Mid-twenties are a strange age, or let me say, a strange place to be. On the one hand, you want still be a teenager who only has fun, but on the other, you want to be a grown-up who has his/her life put together.
Which path should you choose?
I have been wasting years chasing the perfect image of life. I wanted to have it all. It’s one of the biggest mistakes young adults do. We focus on things that barely matter because someone has told us that it’s the way life should be.
Let me share one of the most valuable life lessons I learnt the hard way. Following outlandish ideas or rules of life is the fastest way to insanity.
No one has it all.
No one has a perfect job.
No one has a perfect significant other.
No one has perfect friends.
No one has a perfect life.
If it seems that someone has everything put together and appreciates each part of his/her life, it is all because of the mindset he/she has.
If you treat everything if it is perfect, you will see that your life is pretty amazing. But if you cannot do it, you have to take control over your life and make some changes. Do not settle for less than you deserve. Keep in mind that we all deserve to be happy.
The perfect job is the one that makes you feel good
There are numerous jobs that you can take. You can take courses, learn new skills and change your career path. Starting over is scary, but what if it’s the right track for you? What if you start enjoying waking up in the mornings and stop waiting for the weekend?
I changed plenty of companies and positions. I was accused of being immature and seeking for impossible – a perfect job. But once I realised that I might have landed in the workplace that fits might quite good, I realized how proud and happy I am for believing that it’s possible to end up here.
Changing jobs taught me a lot not only as a professional but as a person too. There are shitty heads of the companies; there are terrible colleagues; there are positions that simply are not for you. That’s fine. You have to try a lot of new things in order to figure out what might suit you. Although your expectations to a job might change after five, ten or twenty years; you should learn not to be afraid of changes.
If you are thinking about making a change in your career, do not listen to what others say. If it doesn’t feel right for you, look up for something that makes you feel good and pays a decent salary. It’s your life; it’s your happiness. Your job title should not be satisfying for your mother or friends.
Your significant other is already perfect
No one is perfect. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Your sweetheart is not perfect. But if you treat your significant other like he/she is already perfect, you might find that he/she truly is.
But you have to truly believe in it. Being in a relationship is a decision. We choose with whom we want to be. We have different criteria and expectations to love.
Love is difficult. The relationship is work and game at the same time. In order to have fun, we have to work hard. Two people have to be good co-workers. A team that works for the same goal – successful and healthy relationship. But all work and no play make a Jake a dull boy. Thus, they have to be players too. It’s not about who wins or loses. It’s all about the game, the fun, the time spent together, and seeing that the hard work pays off.
Not so long ago I read a quote that changed my perspective on relationships:
“My grandmother once told me, “Relationships are work, honey, and they aren’t 50/50. Some days when I get up I only feel like giving 10%, then your granddaddy has to give 90% that day. But there is always 100% love.”
― Leigh Ann Lunsford, Parker Sibling Series Box Set
However, it’s not only about a boy who does everything to make his princess happy. Some princesses simply cannot be satisfied. The point is that sometimes a princess has to take off her crown and become a queen who takes care of her king too.
If you are single and want to fall in love, go look for it. Sign up on online dating sites or even download Tinder. Go on blind dates. Kiss those frogs or learn other methods how to spot the wrong guy or girl.
The majority of girls are still expecting boys to start the conversation. Honey, we live in the 21st century. Forget about those silly rules! If I would have sat and waited for a message, probably I wouldn’t have found my luck.
Be a friend you want to have
Similarly to relationships, friendships require working. In other words, we get what we give.
Sometimes we give a lot and get back nothing. That’s a clear sign that we are dealing with someone else than a friend. But sometimes we just feel that we put lots of effort, and they take it for granted. Thus, before cutting a friend off you have to ask yourself whether you did everything right and was it enough for him/her.
Once I was a person who was afraid of being alone and getting rid of all connections with toxic people. But learning to be alone was one of the best lessons I learnt. It’s a superpower.
Friends are people who have a similar mindset. They are people with whom you are going on adventures, talk about life in the balcony with a glass of wine at 3 a.m., plan things and make them come true. They are people who listen to each other and can be trusted. I’ll leave you here to continue this never-ending list of criteria’s of a friend.
Sometimes people, who we tend to call friends, tell us how important we are in their lives. However, they actions speak the opposite. They ditch our plans; they laugh at things that make us cry; they always find something suspicious in our happiness, and they just make us feel lonely.
Never forget that actions speak louder than words. Of course, words are important. Friendships are impossible without verbal communication and honest conversations. But beautiful sentences have to be followed by decent behavior.
Friends are not only about chats and likes on social media. Friends are people who make your offline life interesting, satisfying, and lastly, worth sharing on social networks.
Thus, if you have a friend whom you haven’t seen or talked in a while, grab your phone and call or text him/her right now. Arrange the date instead of waiting for him/her to call. If a person truly matters to you, show it.
But don’t forget to set boundaries. If you are the one who tries to make this friendship work, stop wasting your time. The time will show if those people will miss you, call/text you and invite to have a dinner. Just be patient. The right people sooner or later come in our lives.
Find your inner peace
Recently, I have discovered that the main ingredient of a perfect life is inner peace. It’s power to do what you love and do not limit yourself with other’s expectations. Adapting and making compromises is necessary. However, you should never sacrifice your happiness for someone else.
Honestly, I cannot remember when I felt as happy as I am now. Literally, at the moment of writing. I cannot remember the last time of my life when I felt this way for so long. Although it’s not that long, but I am sure that it’s not coming to an end soon.
It’s a little bit scary to tell out loud that I am happy. Destiny loves plot twists and often exams how strong that happiness is. However a few weeks ago I promised myself not to lose what I have no matter what life is going to throw at me. I always keep promises.
It’s not about a boyfriend, work, and friends. It’s all about my inner peace. Because without it I cannot be a good girlfriend, friend, and employee.
Everything starts from the inside. Of course, the outside noise is a distraction that might make it difficult to hear our real needs. But we have to learn not to listen to what’s going on out there and focus on what’s going on in our heads, hearts, and souls.
Sometimes it’s enough to close the window, run away from the city or go offline. But sometimes we have to take harsh and brave actions to mute the distractions. I won’t lie, it’s unpleasant for both – you and the source of the noise. But trust me, the silence is worth it.
At the age of 26, I realised that I am living in the time of changes which sooner or later will end up with settling in and long-term commitments. And that’s exciting. All the losses, mistakes and hard times were worth it. Now I can dream about the future and make it happen.